Wednesday 30 October 2013

Tsunami narrative Writing T4.

 
At the beach I stand frozen like a Ice crystal. Looking at huge gigantic waves rushing over to me. What’s going to happen? Family’s is suffering as the call their children from the park, waves walking towards cars as he is killing people inside them.  I say to my self “ Am I gonna be safe am I gonna die” I say to me self as see people dying from the wave.

“Oh no! kids are crying for their mommies and their daddy’s. The waves caught my eye as I run towards my family my brother’s and sister are drowning as they are trying to swim to my mother and father.

Mum and dad trying to save them but it was too late the had already drowned. I said to myself “It was all my fault I should've helped them but instead I just stood there staring at them like I was the murdera”. I try not to cry I tried to stay strong for my mum and dad as they are pouring down with tears. I stop and I said

“No No it is my responsibility to look after my brother’s and sister”. Me and mum and dad ran for our lives as the waves are chasing us, mum is slowing down so dad carried her and dad was getting tired and dad almost dropped mum so mum hopped of dad and ran as fast as she can.
She was running like usain bolt dad was getting left behind and the waves was like 2 centimetre back from him so I went back for dad as mum is still running so I risk my life for my dad. Me and dad tried to catch up to mum but she was gone she had vanished but then dad saw her taking a breath and and off she went but then I screamed out  “Mum wait for me and dad” she did not listen she just keep running and she would not listen all she wanted to do was run away and stay away from the tsunami.

“I think because us people hurt him and and how the splash must mean that we are whacking him and he must not feel comfortable so he decide to change that feeling and have his revenge back”

“Yes says the tsunami I want my revenge back because i am sick of getting hurt and I am sick of kids peeing on me I don’t like that so I want to put an end to this right now.

Why do you want revenge?

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

* One thing I love about your narrative story is it's got punctuation in the right place.Figurative language and it very scary and sad!

* My favourite sentence of your story is Why do you want revenge? because it makes your story more interesting. and it gets the readers thinking.

* One thing I think you could work on next time is putting your paragraphs in the right place.
Keep up the awsome work

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